Oh St. Anthony, Where art thine....stuff?

   My husband's Nan used to call upon St. Anthony when ever she couldn't find something.
Are there rules to the St.Anthony method of finding things?
Do you have to call his name out three times......then turn twice, counter clockwise in stocking feet?
Simutaniously throwing salt at a black cat whilst saluting a magpie?
   St. Anthony's abode is probably constructed from all the stuff we've ever lost. He's not giving most of it back!
He's probably yelling things like, "Get a NEW one! That'll teach you for taking your eye off the ball, ya Muppet!"
I guess once your canonised, you can be as harsh as you like.
   The more important the thing you're trying to find, the more illusive it becomes.
You put something down and sometimes, in as little as thirty seconds, the damned thing is gone!
Not only that, you can't remember what you were doing, or coming from, when said item suddenly becomes animated and independent at the same time.
It is the sort of blank you suffer from when some one says, "Turn over your paper....your time starts ,NOW."
This renders your capacity to piece the trail together completely useless.
The longer you are lured away from the 'thing' you need, the more likely it is beginning to look like you ARE going to have to buy a new one.
Only then, within the week, will you find the original.
This only applies to something that is replaceable. If you've lost your friend's hamster....sorry, but you are on your own. I Don't want to get involved.
   Also, Do Not put things some where safe!  Do Not lick frosty, metal gate posts! Do Not wander around trying to find a clever, SAFE place to put things until you can actually put it away.
(Not in the current book you're reading. That doesn't work.)
Put it away!
If you really can't put it away, put it in one place and make sure it's glaringly stupid!
Make sure you put it some place where you might cause yourself injury until you can put it away where it belongs.
Keys.
Buy a large feather duster to attach them to.
Choose a loud colour.
If you're a fella, um....attach them to a rubber shark.
    What ever you decide on the stupid place, have fun doing it.
The more nuts the idea, the harder it will be to become distracted when you're harangued.
In the meantime,
St. Anthony? Where the samhill is the kid's bus-pass???!!!!
Love Val X